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What a tag to own. Aimless. How can you even be? Aimless. Everyone has an aim in life. How can you not have one. The Aim. I was aimless as long as I can remember. Even as a child. Nothing in future made me happy. I was okay with my present. And when I thought what I want to be when I grow up, I always had the same answer. A doctor, for the world who always wants to listen fixed answers. For myself, the answer was, a happy girl leading a slow and simple and happy life. To be a little specific, I wanted to have a part-time job to sustain myself, parents or a husband to live life with and a lot of happiness in the moments in between. Read travelling and sipping coffees in cafés. From where the money would come from, I never thought. I just dreamed this life, always. My world was perfect.
Never ever I aspired to be anyone. Nor any profession excited me. I pursued Mass Comm thinking I would work with words, earn some money at my own pace and life would be sorted. Even then, I had no intention of being the boss, the editor, the business woman and all the tags world tried throwing at me. Much to the chagrin of family, I was aimless and contended. I still am for the record. Any effort to master any skills or art failed to enthuse me beyond a point.
One thing that was constant was I want to lead a beautiful life where I could watch the sun go down slowly in evenings. And find my true purpose. Why I am here on this earth. What happens when we die? Why should I die? I even fantasized wandering on the Osho commune in Pune and meditating. Except, I even didn’t do that. The quest remains but the truth be told, the efforts are minimal.
So, I continue to be what I was, Aimless!
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