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My every day thought these days. Life is passing by, how best can I live it. Ever since I touched 40, there has been a paradigm shift in the way I see myself. A lot of this has to do with another change that I embracing, about which I will talk later. Another thing is, every time there is a digit change in my age, I feel a bigger shift inside. A lot of this has to do with society conditioning, of course. For instance, when I turned 20, 30 and now 40, the changed first digits add to the anxiousness. As if something bigger has changed in life. Even if nothing has changed on the surface or inside.
Life does give you what you desire. Most the things I dreamed of years ago have been fulfilled. As a small example, I always yearned for a simple and slow life. A life with lots of empty spaces. A life devoid of deadlines, pressures, never-ending to-do list, and huffing and puffing. As I have stated many times in my post, I have a parallel fantasy life running in my head, which by God’s grace, is largely similar to the one I am living. Still, I feel a void. An emptiness. A chasm. It’s been there ever since I remember. I am also aware it can be addressed to only with meditation and spiritual knowledge, yet my journey has been a dud. I am living with this hollowness but not doing the things that may alleviate this weird feeling. Why? What’s stopping me? Why I choose to live with it than doing something about it? Any answers?
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I turned 29 in August. And every time, the digit increases, I am more anxious, anxious about life, career, future. Being single, I am always forced to get married.
My heart says no marriage, first get settled, and sometimes the thought of getting married strikes my brain at times.
There is always a deep void where I hear dreams screaming.
Hi. Apologies for late reply. Can aptly understand the anxiousness when the digit increases. May all your dreams come true.