Do you live a well-planned life?
The moment I plan my life, life outplays me. It would be no exaggeration to say that planning and I are poles apart. Many years ago, I had written this when faced with some unforeseen challenges. Life has not been very different since then.
Have always wondered from where does some people get that kind of optimism when they say with confidence, “I will do this in life.” And they succeed too. I can’t even muster the courage to say what I will be doing tomorrow, forget about life. And even if I say, somehow everything else will happen except what I had planned. Am I some kind of jinxed or does it happen with you too?
I have many friends who plan successfully. They book holiday tickets one year in advance. Every time I have booked tickets even a month in advance, I had to get them cancelled. Initially, my friend who manages my travel bookings used to wonder why I don’t save money by booking ahead. Now after being a part of my “planned mis-adventures” she says, “koi naa yaar, bas one week pehle bata dena, chalega.”
Well, that was just one random observation I shared, I don’t know why.
Stereotypical Life Statistics and Life Choices !
My life is a very ordinary one. A typical middle-class Indian who has completed the stereotypical life statistics: birth, school, graduation, post-graduation, jobs and marriage. God willing, the rest are to follow. Isn’t this what completes an ordinary person’s life cycle. If you miss any of these statistics, people, or society, in general, will bombard you with endless questions. If you dare to choose a different milestone(s) or miss one, you are the quintessential weird person who doesn’t have his or her brains at the right place.
For instance, you decide to become a barber instead of an IT professional, or you decide to be a sanyaasi instead of following the grahasta, or you decide to remain single. What will happen? You will die explaining/ convincing people of your different life choices and earning their disapproved glances. If people somehow magically vanish, your family will never let you feel their absence. Your parents and siblings will poke a hole in your heart with their constant banter and emotional blackmail. All the energy that was to be put into fulfilling your life’s dreams goes away in this melodrama. That is why very few people manage to do something different with their lives than merely following these statistics.
If your different life choices prove successful, you can proudly damn the people who questioned you but the problem begins when your “weird” life choices fail. The only option you have is to pat your back and says, “at least you tried” and go back to listening to those damn people’s voices.
Domestic Diva or a Desperate Housewife!
One thing in life that I have made my peace with is, I can never be even half the homemaker that my mother is. I don’t know whether it’s about their generation or mine, I have tried and realised, “I cannot be a domestic diva.” Mom can happily multitask and micromanage three meals a day and zillion other things for smooth functioning of the house, interspersed with great hospitality skills.
This home-managing business is lot draining especially if you don’t have the knack for it. I manage only half the things compared to her, that too with high-decibel cribbing. I hate multi-tasking and having a “to-do list” that never reaches the finishing line. But do I have any other option now after tick-marking the “marriage milestone” in my life journey? It’s not that I cannot be a domestic diva if I want to. The thing is I don’t want to even if I can.
And if you are wondering from where these earth-shattering views are emerging, here is a list of some of the reasons:
3. Training and trusting a new maid in the new place is a far-fetched dream
I can stretch my cooking skills to three days at the most. The fourth day murmuring begins, fifth day it grows into high pitch, sixth day it reaches a new level of cribbing, and, God forbid, if the seventh day has to come, all hell break loose. This is when we don’t have three meals a day. It’s maximum two, and sometimes even one. Plus, it’s just the two of us in the house.
‘A’ has got used to it by now. After two days of full-time food regimen, he starts helping me managing the house, foreseeing the danger ahead. He will assist me in making bed, watering the plants, keeping his things in place, wiping the table after meals, doing the laundry, and all the rigmarole of running a house. I get all the more furious now because after receiving so much help, I can’t yell at him or crib. And that the fact remains intact, I still don’t want to cook as part of the grind.
I often ask ‘A’ what has changed for him after marriage? I feel he used to work full-time before marriage and is working full-time after marriage. For me, I have never cooked religiously before but now it’s a part of my daily existence. And you can imagine the itch considering I am pouring this in a blog post.
To which A replies, “Do you know my bank balance before marriage and after? Before, there used to be a bank balance, now I just have a bank but no balance.”
Well, well, some solace there. For, why only I should bear the brunt of marriage when we are equal partners?
Please tell me how you manage to fulfil your domestic responsibilities without cribbing? Especially cooking.